Saturday, August 24, 2013
I am going back to work for the first time in six years. I have landed my dream job, doing what I love part-time. I have been home with my three boys for the last six years and I have loved it. It has been a life changing experience full of self-realization, learning and an immeasurable amount of love.
But, I am a parent that tends to carry guilt. There is not enough time in a day to do everything I want to do. With every decision there is always a sacrifice and sometimes, no matter what I choose to do with my time, I feel guilty about what I am missing out on.
I know I am not alone in this. Guilt is a trait that many of us women carry. Guilty if we do, guilty if we don't.
In going back to work I can allow myself to feel really guilty. My oldest two are in all day school, but my three year old will go to day care. Of course, there is a part of me that longs to stay home with him.
But the truth is: even though I will miss parts of staying home, I am genuinely excited to be back at work. For dumb reasons like it will be nice to wear something other than t-shirts and great reasons like I am passionate about my job.
So, I made a decision. I won't let myself feel guilty. My husband and I have talked and prayed about this decision for years. We feel it is the best decision for our family. And my part-time job and daycare worked out so eloquently that I can only attribute it to God's hand. So I will remember that my three year loved his "trial runs" for daycare that he called "school." He proudly sported his back-pack and told his brothers they couldn't come. When I picked him up, he enthusiastically greeted me and told me how much fun it was.
I will remember that God has a plan for my life that is unique to me. That he gave me gifts and abilities and I can be joyful about using them. Feeling guilty won't change anything about my life, just burden my heart. So I will let all those feelings of excitement about working again bubble to the surface of my heart and push out the guilt.
I will enjoy being excited about my job.