Saturday, August 24, 2013

Joy












guilt

I am going back to  work for the first time in six years.  I  have landed my dream job, doing what I love part-time.  I have been home with my three boys for the last six years and I have loved it.  It has been a life changing experience full of self-realization, learning and an immeasurable amount of love.   
 
But, I am a parent that tends to carry guilt.  There is not enough time in a day to do everything I want to do.   With every decision there is always a sacrifice and sometimes, no matter what I choose to do with my time, I feel guilty about what I am missing out on.  
 
I know I am not alone in this.  Guilt is a trait that many of us women carry. Guilty if we do, guilty if we don't.   
 
In going back to work I can allow myself to feel really guilty.  My oldest two are in all day school, but my three year old will go to day care.   Of course, there is a part of me that longs to stay home with him. 

But the truth is:  even though I will miss parts of staying home, I am genuinely excited to be back at work.  For dumb reasons like it will be nice to wear something other than t-shirts and great reasons like I am passionate about my job.   
 
So, I made a decision.  I won't let myself feel guilty.  My husband and I have talked and prayed about this decision for years.  We feel it is the best decision for our family.  And my part-time job and daycare worked out so eloquently that I can only attribute it to God's hand.  So I will remember that my three year loved his "trial runs" for daycare that he called "school." He proudly sported his back-pack and told his brothers they couldn't come  When I picked him up, he enthusiastically greeted me and told me how much fun it was. 
 
I will remember that God has a plan for my life that is unique to me. That he gave me gifts and abilities and I can be joyful about using them.  Feeling guilty won't change anything about my life, just burden my heart.  So I will let all those feelings of excitement about working again bubble to the surface of my heart and push out the guilt.  

I will enjoy being excited about my job.