Saturday, January 17, 2015

Moments lost and living your dream.

Passing time burdens my heart. 

I hate how fast time moves. Hours, days, months, years...how quickly they pass and are gone forever. My kids grow way too fast and I hate it. My heart holds a lingering sadness for the sweet moments with my children that disappear; especially when I didn't even realize the last time was over.  

I recently read this post (on The Wiegand's blog) that articulated how I felt.  She talked about how so many last times have slipped through her fingers without the realization that the moment was forever gone.  Like, the last time she held her oldest on her hip. At one point she put her oldest son down and didn't pick him up again. 

I also can't remember some of the last times with my boys. Moments that I didn't realize I would never do again.

I can't remember the last time my oldest son kissed me on the lips. At some point he turned his head when I went to kiss him and that is how it has been ever since.

I can't remember the last time my middle son asked me to snuggle with him to help him fall asleep. He used to ask me every night, then it became more sporadic until he stopped asking. The last time he asked came and went and I didn't realize it was the last time.

My baby. I can't remember the last time I held him as an infant all balled up on my chest.  At some point he grew too big and stretched out his legs and that moment was over.

My brain searches for perspective and I ask myself, what was biggest my dream?  Of all my dreams in life, I wanted most to be a wife and mom. To fully experience a dream you have to experience every aspect of it, the joy and the pain. Without the fear, you can't experience the courage. Pain and hardship can stir in you a deep and different kind of love and compassion. The top is made more beautiful by the challenge of the climb.  Loss can create a greater appreciation for what we have.

To fully experience motherhood and to truly understand what it means to be a mom, I have to experience it in its entirety. As much as we might hate the pains of motherhood, they can bless us just as much as they burden us. The challenges can make us strong, wise, courageous, and full of love and grace and compassion. The joys and the pain in motherhood has grown my heart and I like the change I see in me.

And in my search for perspective, my head tells my heart that what I really long for is not so much that my kids stay little forever, but is that the love and beautiful connection we share last forever.  It can. Of course, it can.

Because, I still have those sweet moments with my boys that connect us...they are just different.

My oldest sauntering into the kitchen with a slightly puffed out chest and pride on his face the first time he put on his full football gear. He lingered near for me to notice and declare how big and strong he looked.

My middle son wakes before his brothers, comes downstairs and asks me to play Clue with him. 

My youngest runs to me bursting with excitement to proudly show me the frog he caught.

The precious moments still exist. The connection and love is still there...they have just grown up with my children. And I know that someday, I will look back and realize how precious the moments I am experiencing right now were. The sadness I feel because of moments lost help me better enjoy the moments I have right now.

The hope in these thoughts shine brighter than the lingering sadness. God surrounds me and loves me through these encouraging thoughts.

Once again - in my life - God wins.

32 comments:

  1. I read a similar post recently. Somehow I haven't let it get to me though. Maybe because I'm just really getting into the toddler stage, though I know these times will be fleeting, too.

    I don't remember the lasts, I do remember the nows. I cherish and revel in snuggling on the couch with Baby Boy, the way he sleeps so soundly in my lap, how he rubs my back just because, and especially the way we snuggle at bedtime.

    And, to me, those times are just what you're highlighting. There are moments, they've just grown as has Baby Boy.

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    1. It really started bothering me in the past few years, with my youngest. I guess I am more emotional because he is our last baby and I am not sure I am ready for my kids to be a little more grown up. But, I like hearing women say this doesn't bother them. I need to hear people say they can focus on the now. It really is what I should do and when I hear that others successfully do this, I am also better able to be in the present and not cling so much to the past. I enjoyed reading your thoughts. Thanks for leaving them!:)

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    2. That's one of the great things about today's world, about blogging. That I get to read/hear from others things that I need or want to know, therefore making me a bit less anxious/worried/wondering/alone. :)

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  2. Have you ever read the children's book "Let me Hold you Longer" by Karen Kingsbury? It's all about savoring those 'lasts' as our children grow up. I have it if you ever want to borrow it......we love it!
    Kati Revak

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    1. Kati, I haven't heard of it, but you have me intrigued. Sounds like something our family would enjoy as well. I will look for it on amazon. :) THANK YOU

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  3. This post brought tears to my eyes. For a few a reasons, I always think about this with my toddler son. He is growing so fast. Also, this post can apply to family members too. My dad went into the hospital for the past few days. He was in bad pain last Wednesday and he is healthy. He just got out of hospital today. I'm very close to my parents and my mom and dad are very close to each other. My dad is okay now, but life passes by so fast. I call my parents non-stop now. Just to hear their voice. I'm going to see them tomorrow. I keep hugging and loving on my husband and son. Great post. It's so true... time, memories, ....love what's in front of you now. ❤️ xoxo

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    1. Having a parent in the hospital is so tough - I am so glad your dad is feeling better now. And,I love what you said about "love what's in front of you now." Have a good week, my friend!:)

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  4. Your post reveals the deep love you have for your children--and the realization that they are growing up. My most recent change came with my youngest son being married. This has been tempered with the days I spend with grandchildren. God blesses us with seasons of life.

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    1. I love watching my parents with my kiddos. Being a grandparent - what a fun season. And congrats on your son being married!:) Thanks for leaving your thoughts on my blog. I enjoyed reading them.

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  5. Beautiful and holds so much truth to it. Motherhood is an experience unlike any other, and to get its full effect, we all have to embrace every facet of it. I love how the connections with your sons evolve through the years. Part of me thinks its bittersweet to watch my daughter grow so fast, but your post made me realize that her growth just means we share more and more connections together. The love of a mother never wanes, it just changes with her children as time goes on. Thank you for sharing this beautiful sentiment.

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    1. Your thoughts encouraged my heart. I love: "The love of a mother never wanes, it just changes with her children as time goes on." Thank you!

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  6. Cheryl, thank you for these words! I've got a 3-year-old and a 1-year-old, and sometimes I secretly wish to be down the road where I don't face nightly wakings, perpetual 6am screaming alarm clocks and rears that can be wiped themselves. But you are so right, there are so many precious moments in these years and once they're over they're gone. I want to soak up the precious moments that every stage holds so that as they grow I know I didn't miss out.
    Thank you for your encouraging words!

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    1. Yes, soak them up! It is an exhausting and demanding time in motherhood, but beautiful. THANK YOU for leaving a comment!:)

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  7. Beautiful!!! I too have feelings like this. Feelings of moments lost. Feelings of why didn't I know that was the last time....Great post!

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    1. Thank you! And thanks for leaving a comment.:)

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  8. What a wonderful post. I am a grandmother now and I still have 3 children at home ages 19, 9 and 7. Cherish every single moment that you can, because they fly by so fast. Now I get to hug and cuddle our little grandies. Thanks for sharing this at Good Morning Mondays. Blessings

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    1. Thanks for letting me share!:) And for your lovely words!

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  9. This post made me teary. It's been a rough week, my preschooler started attending school and it's been a tough transition, for her...and for me. I miss her all the time...and I realized how fast she has grown. She's becoming more and more independent. It's silly how I used to want her to be independent and grow up..not that she's done it, I really want to rewind time back :( I'm expecting my second child, and one thing I know for sure is that I want to savour every single minute...and stop wishing for her to grow up..thanks for your post, loved it!

    Following on Fb
    http://angiebenju.blogspot.com/

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    1. I hear you! I just checked out your page. Love it. I am now following you back!:)

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  10. Similar to my experience which is why I now try to live in the moment as much as possible and not worry about the past or the future

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  11. Beautiful words and beautiful reminder to cherish our children. They won't be under our care forever... Thanks for sharing this on the Art of Home-Making Mondays!

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  12. Oh goodness! I don't even want to think about how quickly time is passing!

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  13. I know! I shouldn't have mentioned it!:)

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  14. Great post! And soo very true!
    Being a mom of two grown girls.. one even married.. lost moments are sad, but thanfully God blesses us with new days and new chances!!

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    1. Yes! I love the blessing of new days and new chances. They are beautiful!

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  15. I love this! It's truth! Cherish every moment. Thanks so much for linking this at CMB.

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